How to change your mindset around goals

This simple change in wording will help you to shift your mindset around goals and remove the pressure and guilt associated when you 'fall off the wagon' or don't even start the process of working towards something in the first place.

Last night I started brainstorming how I was going to ‘survive’ my next trimester of university, whilst also improving how I work in my job. Even just naming those two things gives me anxiety... but noticing how these areas of my life currently make me feel is an important first step. Reflecting on this highlights the need for me to work on reducing those anxious feelings. My first instinct was that I should write a list of goals. However, there was nothing ‘tangible’ I wanted to achieve, because the only real goal is to continue feeling good and calm, which is not something that can be 'achieved'. So then I thought maybe I will create a list of rules to live by in order to stay calm. So I started to write down some ‘rules’…

Clean the house while the kids have free play
Take regular breaks from studying
Plan in energy-boosting activities

…but then I started to feel anxious about these rules. I started to worry that I wasn’t going to be able to stick to them, and I didn’t want to set expectations for myself that I couldn’t meet.

A slight tweak to the wording and it all changed!

These aren’t goals or rules anymore, they are suggestions. I have created a list of suggestions that I think might help me get through these next 6 months without spiralling down into negativity, anxiety and stress. A list that I can turn to when I am struggling to guide me through, as opposed to a list of rules that I’m confined by or a list of expectations to berate myself with when I don’t follow them. Such a slight tweak in the wording and a completely new mindset and perspective! Try turning your rules or goals into ‘suggestions' for living a better life, and see if that changes anything for you :)