Mental health is not happiness

The goal of mental health is not to be happy, but it is to be okay with all of your mental states.

However, acceptance can be tough; especially when it can feel so painful. It makes sense to try and avoid painful feelings, your mind wants to protect you by resisting negativity.

The problem is when there are a lot of negative feelings and they start to overwhelm you, your mind starts to resist everything, which can send your nervous system into a freeze response.

The freeze response can be described as your body and mind shutting down, feeling stuck or numb, or having a sense of dread or foreboding. It is your body resisting the feelings or thoughts that feel the most painful or uncomfortable.

I find myself in the freeze response sometimes when I am stuck on the couch or in bed and I know I should be getting up and doing something, but it's like my body is frozen. If I don’t move, then I don’t have to face whatever it is that is keeping me there. Other times I find myself in the freeze response when I am avoiding journaling. My mind and body will try to do anything other than pull out my journal to start writing about whatever is hurting me in the moment.

It’s important first to start recognising what the freeze response feels like for you, and then find ways to start mobilising yourself to work your way out of this state. This isn’t an easy thing to do, but it is an irreplaceable skill to be able to help yourself in these difficult moments.

Some examples of ways to mobilise yourself (and this will be unique to every individual) could be listening to music, going for a walk, doing yoga, dancing, messaging a friend, journaling, doing something creative, dancing, cooking, cleaning, and the list goes on.

Find a few things that get you moving, get you thinking about something specific, allow you to get the thoughts out of your head.

Just remember that the most important thing is to accept your mental state, in whatever state it's in, and try to approach your mind with curiosity.

For example

“That’s interesting, my body is doing that thing again where I am stuck on the couch, I wonder why that is? Maybe it’s because I’ve got that deadline coming up and I know I should be working on that project but I’m not even sure where to begin… maybe talking to my friend about what my next step might be could help” - gets out phone to message friend - “Hey, I’ve got this project that I’m a bit stuck with, have you got a few minutes just to talk it out with me?”

Remember to first try focusing on acceptance, curiosity and compassion. These mindsets will help you move through resistance and work with yourself, whatever your mental state might be.